Mother knows best

Mom, I have a story for you. You wouldn't believe what Autumn did to her Barbie Pony Princesses. As I tell the story, I hear her audible sighs - the acknowledgment that she remembers when I did something similar as a child. She laughs at the hi-jinx and commiserates. Her insightful questions help me open up and look at the situation critically.

I explain how I didn't lose my shit when I found the Princess Pony massacre. I held it all together when Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, and Apple Jack were strewn across the floor - heads on one side - bodies on the other - braids everywhere.

She just broke $100 worth of toys. Her favorite toys right now. I take a deep breath. She looks to me with pleading eyes to fix it all and make it better. I recognize that there is no immediate peril. But I feel terrible. For her, for me, for not knowing what upset her to trigger this?!? Wondering what is to come down the road for me next week, next month, and next year. 

I told Autumn, "next time call me. Say Mama I need you. I don't know how to fix this? I might not be making the best choice." 

My mom said I reacted better than she had when I did something similar. She remembers yelling at me. I do too. I don't want Autumn to remember me reacting that way. So I didn't. I remained calm. I spoke in dulcet tones.

Until next time.

Off the meds

My son calls medication a tool. He can focus and listen to the teacher when he needs to learn something new that he is not interested in (mostly French.) The grades went up 20-30 points where necessary. He feels better about his accomplishments and that positive energy feeds itself into other aspects of his life. For her, it is about anxiety. She is calmer and able to navigate the world more peacefully.

This summer the children are at the pool from 8:15 till 2pm. They are both on the swim team, take lessons, synchro teams, Waterpolo (son), and diving lessons (daughter.) I take them back to the pool each night from 5-6:30pm to drain them of the last bit of energy I can. 

Being off the meds has lasted a lot longer this summer. My son has grown two inches in four months. He lost two teeth in a week. He has two more that are loose. The tooth fairy is on-call at my house this summer. They eat every two hours. They are both so strong. 

He drags me across the pool like I weight 50 pounds. We played monkey-in-the-middle for 2 hours in the pool yesterday from 3-5pm. 

Last week he begged for a root beer, onion rings, and two cheeseburgers for lunch. We laughed the whole time and then played in the pool together for another two hours. Tonight when I put him to bed, he said, "I just wanted to spend time with you. I love you so much."

Have I mentioned the giggling?

The summer is exhaustingly amazing.

I can fill the air

I called today to tell you I am a friend and I care about you. You do not have to tell me about your life because I know it is replete with hardship right now. I will never push you to talk about the sad. I can be an ear or a voice that can just FILL the air -- to make it less lonely. To make life more bearable. All I need you to do is call and say talk. Or answer when I call so I can make you smile -- when the smile and lighthearted laughter seems to far to reach. 

Life is not always successful. People die, jobs are lost, children get sick, promises are not kept, debt piles up, houses are foreclosed upon, bankruptcy, and marriages collapse. It is not pretty or easy. Some of these I know about, others I don't, but I'm smart enough to realize that these troubles don't define me.

The true test of a person is what they do with what's been done to them. How we choose to rebound and show ourselves what we are made of. How we find the strength to push forward every day for a better life. You have to rally after the FAILURE because you were just on the wrong path.  

It is what you become after you fall that makes you the better version of yourself. Choose to re-build.

Where is your Mama?

I have two children and they are all I need. I love the family I created. To that end, I am not interested in parenting your child unless someone is in imminent danger.  

When I hear children around me using their mouths and words in a way that I wouldn't approve ... I steer clear unless my child is involved. I am more LIBERAL than most and probably tolerate more sass than the typical Montrealer-mom. But I stand by my assertion my children need to defend themselves and be strong. To blossom into problem-solvers and develop the skills necessary to survive in the world. 

But when they can't, I show them how to. That is my job as a parent.  

When children need to be reigned in, a quiet and strong, "Where is your Mama?" stops the nasty words and bullying immediately. The child knows how their parent would react if they heard what the child said. 

These 4 words are MAGICAL. Maybe once the kids are 12 they won't work. But, for now, they do!