I do this because it makes me feel better. It manages my stress. I have stress. I am a New York Jew. Stress is my Oxygen. We all have stress. But stress will kill me if I don't get it in control. I do this for me. I do this to lose weight. I have 40 pounds to go and I will sit comfortably at 185 pounds. There I said it. I own it. Do the math if you need to.
The work-out also helps me to work out my mental stress. I am running my life to raise a self-aware and strong son and confident and independent daughter and nurture a marriage to a man I love.
My story is my own. It is:
1. Enhanced
2. Riddled
3. Defined
4. Shaped
by ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). Not my own but my children's.
I have come to learn that having one child with ADHD is EASY to manage. It wasn't at first. It also isn't "always" easy but there is a certain balance that can be achieved when only one child thinks as fast as those with ADHD do. Or feels as passionately about something that has to happen RIGHT now or they may forget.
The PANIC in their forgetfulness is real.
I have heard the pleas. I didn't get it because I don't have ADHD. But my children do. When only one child is persistently argumentative .. or consistently contrary ... that can be managed because the other sibling ISN'T.
The cage-match in my head is constant.
I balance egos and emotional-wellness the way OTHER people blink. I do it all the time. I have to lift one up while making sure that the other one isn't pushed down. I can't be sarcastic. Have you any idea how hard it is to tell a New York Jew that she cannot be sarcastic? Sarcasm is in my BONE MARROW. But it is not healthy to speak in a way that doesn't demonstrate the proper social queues to children who don't necessarily have the ability to access those inherent queues. Because they are NOT intrinsic to an ADHD mind. Let me tell you, I am not a patient person. I have learned how to grow patience like tentacles that I wrap my family in because that is MY JOB. I protect them. I make mistakes daily but most of my mistakes are new ones not old ones.
Swimming laps helps my mental cage-match.
ADHD is everyday.
My son was diagnosed about 2 years ago. We paraded him to the best Specialists in Montreal and took advantage of every program that was offered. Two years later and we are in a very different place. He has achieved and matured. He is more self aware than most grown men. But it never goes away, it can be managed, but not always successfully and never without substantial effort on his part.
My ordinary world (yes, Duran Duran is playing in the background) doesn't just have one child with ADHD. It has two. We are all working our way towards a diagnosis for my delicious little daughter. Her struggle is different than my sons. It is quieter and filled with a different kind of daily frustration.
Asking an ADHD mind to behave, think, and conform to non-ADHD standards is like asking my to fly. It's not happening.
I take this stress that lives inside me and work-out. I swim and silence myself and my mind. I breathe in and push my arms out in front of me. I breath out through my nose and see the bubbles under the water. I look at my fingernails (which I paint in bright pink or red) and push my arms back to my sides. I take another breath. I do this till I am exhausted. It happens around 24-26 laps. I am then relaxed.
The cage-match in my head is silent now. I hug my beautiful babies as they battle to be heard. They can have the Oxygen. I don't need it. I smile because I am too tired to be stressed. I let their boisterous and passionate love roll all over me. I feel full and content. I see another mother and her two silent children sitting next to her quietly playing. For a moment I think that must be nice. Then I look at my children. My daughter is singing me a new song she made up and my son is hugging me. They love me and I cherish them. I can't imagine them being any other way.
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