Porn at the Pool

This week I began my work-out in my new size 16 bathing suit. After a few moments of jogging I started having issues. I side-stepped my way to the deep end so I could address my bathing suits' multiple malfunctions.

"My bathing suit is simultaneously rolling up and down." I say to my girlfriend.

She laughs, "How is that possible?"

How is that possible? It's called my belly. My suit is rolling up over my stomach until it stops at my breasts. Every jump under the water is way more fleshy than I want observed. My bottoms are rolling down from my waist, over my hips, and thankfully stop right above my cookie. I continue to jump but manage to maintain no cookie exposure. The suit looks great and feels great but it is a 2-piece nightmare. I guess these are 2-piece problems. I am a 1-piece lady overexposed in a 2-piece world. The other ladies with 2 pieces have flat bellies. That might be a crucial difference. 

"It's like a porn show under here!" I say and roll the suit down and up while simultaneously frog jumping in the water. I want to keep my heart rate up but I am preoccupied with not getting arrested for indecent exposure.  I begin the wide side to side steps and move my arms in small inner circles. I love this exercise and my new triceps are the benefit of this particular exercise. I look down and swear I am about to have a nip-slip at any moment. I move deeper and laugh at myself. Another woman turns and I see she is adjusting in the water. I think her whole left breast popped out. 

Good times! Good times!

Here is a picture a friend took of me last night at my children's swim meet. The squash is impressive but all I see are my awesome arms, thigh, and youthful neck.