Show me your fat

I never use the word FAT or SKINNY in my house. Those words are toxic. I believe that a person can be "FIT" or "working their way to becoming more FIT." I want my children to love themselves and their bodies. I want them to approach food in the right way -- as fuel to energize their bodies to get done what they want to. Food is not a reward. Not every meal has to be their favorite or an event. Food should taste good and be good for you. 

My son and daughter are watching me work-out daily. Our summer special "4-5pm" swim used to be me playing with the two of them in the pool - barreling my son as he spins in my arms lengthwise or chasing after them and calling them packages from foreign lands (usually Paris and New York.) Which is great exercise but it is clearly not enough. I would tone in the summer but now I am shrinking -- almost like a slowly deflating balloon from the top down. My arms are more muscular. There is more muscle under my lovely softness. The laps are a game-changer.  The laps come first, at least 4 days a week. They take 40-50 minutes to complete. 

At first I wrote Unfortunetely. Then I erased that. It is not unfortunate that it takes that long. It just does. I accept that about myself. I am only competing against myself.

After the laps are done I play with them even though I am zonked. I love to carry them in the pool (combined weight of them is is 150 lbs) and I pretend that I don't have a bad back.  Which I don't in the pool!)

They have both expressed their displeasure with me not giving them every moment of me that they want. That too is part of the process for all of us. Taking time for me has become essential to me and them. They will learn that a person has to love themselves so that can love others.  A person has to take the time to exercise so they can feel good the rest of the day.

The other day my daughter asks me, "Where are you fat? Where is your fat?" I took a breath and walked her into my bedroom. 

"Why do you want to know?" I ask. I want to see what she is going to say.  

"Because I want to understand" she says. I walk across the room and close my bedroom door.

"I saw a mommy at the pool that is bigger than you" she says.

"How did that make you feel?" I ask. Deadpan.

"Happy. I don't want you to die of being fat" she says.

Like a knife through the heart. I am really proud of her honesty and trust in me. 

"I won't let that happen" I say and give her a big hug.

She jumps on the bed and sits down.  

"Show me your fat" she says to me. Her little girl voice is filled with questions and openness. She is a little girl. Mine. 

"Ok" I say and take off all my clothes. 

I stand in-front of her and say, "if I can pinch the flesh than that is fat. Unless it is loose skin because there was fat there and now there isn't anymore." 

Warning: GRAPHIC content

I start at my feet and move quickly up my thighs. For the first time in a LONG TIME I can't pinch any significant fat or skin on my outer thighs.  The saddle-bags are gone and they took all the extra flesh with them. Almost miraculously. Even my inner thighs are in much better shape. But I found some fat and showed her.

I then happened upon my ass.

As a white girl with a FLAT white girl butt there has never been anything exciting about my "junk in the trunk." An ass-man would never look my way. Now a breast-man ... well that is an entirely different story. When I gain weight I get a second ass.  And not in a cute way. My second ass sits on top of first my ass. It starts about halfway up my first ass and acts like a fat shelf for my first ass. I went to pinch the second ass and to my surprise the SECOND ASS WASN'T THERE. 

I asked my daughter, "Can you pinch fat on my bum-bum for me?" 

"Nope Mama. Your bum-bum is FIT!" She says and she is totally engaged. She then lightly spanks my bum and giggles. I turn around to look at my ass and she squeals as I go in circles making everything silly.

"I love when we talk like this" she says. There it is. I WIN! This is why I do this. FOR her. I want her to never stop talking to me about what is important to her. She is tragically forgetful and disorganized. She is wickedly tall and this bothers her sometimes. She wants to be cute. She is 7. She is cute. But she doesn't believe it. By putting myself out there I hope to gain her openness and future trust.

Back to pinching FAT ... I ended my journey at my stomach and started pinching left, right, and center. 

"I see the fat on your stomach Mama. I understand now" she says.

I wait ... silently .. to see what she will say next. And here it comes

"It's a like a belt only in the front" she says. I wasn't expecting that.  She gets up and hugs me. She kisses my belly and says, "I love the Mama love."

"I love you" I say. 

"Will I get fat?" she asks in fear.

"Not if you eat smart and exercise" I say.

"If I eat and never exercise then I will get fat?" she asks.

"Yes." I answer quickly. I want to impose the idea that she has exercise her whole life.  People with ADHD have a proclivity to be over weight as adults with weaker endurance levels. If I teach her now the importance of exercise and why it makes you feel better inside she will continue this great habit her whole life. She will never struggle like I do now. My struggle is weight-loss, stress, and their ADHD.  When ADHD entered my home, I happened upon a change in me that will save my life. I can only parent through example. If I am not moving as well and showing them that it does make me feel better they won't believe it. They are contrary-by-nature.  My daughter and son will think differently about being fit and understand why it is important to have this balance. A balance I never had as a child.

Eventually she will see how she can manage her stress and anxiety with exercise.

"Thank you for not lying to me" she says.

"I will never lie to you. You can always believe me and come to me with every question that you can imagine" I say.

Here she is achieving and believing in herself and her abilities.